Looney toons

I have been undergoing a psych evaluation through the out-patient department of the local hospital. I was referred by my GP after I reached the max dosage of my meds and still had difficulty dealing she felt it was time to see what else should be done outside of her GP skills.

Long story short, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well as either depression of dysthymic (sp?) disorder.

The depression was actually better for a few weeks after the diagnosis (after weeks prior preparing in therapy for this eventuality). It was like hey i am not crazy or at least i am crazy in a way that makes sense to someone who knows how to help me.

Then I had a bad few weeks; I had to end my sessions with my McGill counselor, the relationship with psychiatrist of course was ending as I had a diagnosis and a new med in addition to what I was already taking... FYI1: Borderline personality disorder people tend to have difficulty in the ending of relationships, real or imagined. Then Xander's psychologist (who has been a constant source of frustration to me and Eric, who doesn't listen, yet makes massive assumptions...) had a session where she explicitly said that too much time with me and eric would be dangerous to xander's well-being???!! The comment was made at the end of her rant against homeschooling and was full of prejudice to how xander should be stimulated; constant adult-led, structured, outside of the home activities.

Anyway since then i have been a mess!!! I constant melange of anger, intense anxiety, fear, projection, and subsequent depression. I will explain why all this inteference to the new diagnosis but I don't feel up to it at present but when i am feeling better I will explain more.

So feeling isolated, as I feel more and more anxious and messed up. I want to work on this except i feel like i have burned all my bridges and I am not strong enough to work my way back. I will just screw up again anyway....