Feeling...

after a rough month of set backs and lots of important, yet emotionally difficult moments in therapy, I am again at a point where I am trying desperately to feel. It seems like a constant struggle. I am so happy, or at least in theory I am, yet I keep willing my emotions to step up and feel this happiness.

Why am I happy?

Well Eric and I have made some serious progress in our road to reunification. We spend 50 - 75% of the week together and we have made some difficult but fruitful decisions around issues within a mutual household. As difficult as it is to believe, we are able to get through most days with little to no argument. And any disagreement is relatively minor and actually is worked through rather than being brushed aside. He has become an enormous support in these last few months and has worked on his critical nature (and I mine, well mine is in progress but much, much better!). I feel much better when with him and sleep better as well. Something that has been severely lacking as of late. My therapist theorizes that I can finally let go and let my guard down and relax because I am with someone I trust to protect me.

So now I am in the arduous process of giving away and transitioning over the rest of my stuff. I also am looking for someone who would like to "borrow" lot's of exercise equipment (incl. a workout bench, a few long bench press bars, some dumb bell bars and lots!! of weights of varying sizes that can attach to all the bars. In return for borrowing/storing this equipment until next june, I would be willing to give away two of the long bars, potentially a set of dumb bells and some of the weights especially the heavier "I will never be that strong" weights, and some assorted equipment, which is worth quite a bit all together)
I also have a dining room table i'm giving away and a child's dresser and desk. Also a battery operated baby swing. More to be added soon i'm sure.